God thoughts – Cafe Du Martin

3 years

Published on August 3, 2015August 4, 2015 by Joanna2 Comments

This summer we have been fortunate enough to celebrate weddings and new marriages of family and close friends. I don’t think I am alone in loving a good wedding celebration. It reminds me of our wedding and fills me with all of the warm, fuzzy, butterfly feelings that I tend to have when thinking back on the day that started our journey down this exciting, unpredictable road called marriage.

I remember before we were married, before we were engaged – seeing married couples at weddings and wondering what they could be thinking about. Watching them sway back and forth on the dance floor and stare lovingly into each others eyes. It always filled my heart to the brim with emotion. I wanted to be married one day and I wanted to be one of those couples on the dance floor, so in love with each other. While I am still practically a newlywed and my wealth of marital wisdom is relatively low – I think I am starting to realize that the looks those couples were giving each other were more so out of appreciation, admiration, and respect that any lovey-dovey-emotionally-fueled-feelings that I was probably experiencing as an onlooker.

Honestly, this third year of marriage has been by far the most challenging. New jobs, new roles, new home, parenting, growing, moving… so needless to say the past 365 days weren’t without stress or moments of anxiety. Something else the past year wasn’t lacking was a partner to weather the storm. Solid, unwavering, supportive, true. Sometimes I just can’t believe that my husband has continued to love me through it all.

So much life has happened since August 4, 2012 and I hate to sound cliche but I really didn’t realize just how fast the years would fly. I wonder if I will feel the same way when we hit twenty or thirty years of marriage. I secretly hope that the feeling of “it was just yesterday that we were dancing at our wedding reception!” will permeate through those years. I never really want that newness, or shocking realization that we hit another anniversary to go away – I always want to be surprised that even though our wedding may have been a while ago…it still feels like it has been a relatively short amount of time.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I just can’t believe that I’m living this vocation. That God has provided for us in so many ways and continues to work through our marriage. I can’t believe that we are making it, that we are really living this good life and I’m just so grateful to be in this sacrament with such a truly fantastic person.

I think C.S. Lewis does a much better job at constructing the thoughts I am trying to convey here in this post so I will end with this, it is one of my favorite quotes about love and marriage:

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

I love you, Eric Martin. Thank you for choosing to love me. Happy Anniversary!

1001470_1870312007746_212316437_n

2nd anniversary post

Right after we got married!

FAMILY | mother’s day 2015

Published on May 11, 2015May 11, 2015 by Joanna2 Comments

10271537_2090021420344_2872777984394356476_n

Happy Monday y’all + a happy belated mother’s day to those who were celebrating the holiday yesterday. I have always loved this special day and a few years ago I even wrote a post about my feelings on this special day as an unmarried, childless person (if you want to take a peek click here). I vaguely remember writing a post last year about my first mother’s day but I think it was lost somewhere in the shuffle between sleep deprivation, hormonal mood swings that rivaled that of a 13 year old girl and always having a newborn attached to my person.

This year’s celebration was absolutely wonderful. I felt pretty celebrated the whole weekend and the best part was that we didn’t really do anything extravagant. For the most part it was a relatively normal weekend. We even had mother’s day brunch at our house instead of out because my brother-in-law and his family were coming over and two little ones were easier to entertain among the masses of baby toys at our house. I was able to sneak away for a couple of hours and enjoy some time with one of my best friends while getting my nails done and enjoying an iced green tea and then my husband + sweet girl surprised me with my own kindle for mother’s day! (Now I won’t be keeping my husband awake at night while reading on the iPad.;) The best gift though really was just feeling appreciated in the day to day this weekend. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and the past two days really rejuvenated my soul in so many ways.

1613912_2090024900431_1742479602811510668_n

Yesterday I posted a photo on Instagram from the night Madeline was born. It was our first family picture and far by my favorite from the night. After so many hours of labor, so much pushing, so many scary new-mom-never-having-gone-through-labor moments I was so relieved to have my girl with us when I honestly didn’t think I was strong enough to get her here. I remember crying so hard with my husband after that final push because I did it! I actually did it! And I don’t think either one of us could really believe it. It reminded me of when I found out I was pregnant and I really couldn’t believe that there was a tiny little person starting to form right inside me and I had so many doubts that I would really be able to handle pregnancy and becoming a mom. Along with that picture I posted I found a quote that really encapsulated my unbelief of this whole motherhood gig, “The biggest surprise, which is also the best, is that I didn’t know I would love motherhood as much as I do.” – Deborah Norville

I need to have that quote printed in big bold letters on days that are tough and trying and down right exhausting.

Being completely and totally cliche here: I just never realized how life changing being a mom would be. I remember being so self conscious last year about my ever expanding belly and whether or not I was going to go back to work. When I decided to stay home (and eventually choose to work part time) I didn’t really know how to identify myself anymore. I wasn’t a teacher, I wasn’t working towards anything in that field, I was just a mom…but what did that mean? And I found out that along with the surprise that was being pregnant, and the surprise that was labor and delivery, it meant that I would need to surprise myself and challenge myself in ways that I never thought I would. It meant that I would lose a part of myself to gain a kind of love that only the grace of God could supply in my heart. It meant that I would sacrifice things that I worked hard for on my own so that another little person could thrive in our home. It meant surrendering all to His will and not my own. 10347082_2270901622236_7616151671525193603_n (1)

His will and not my own.

Words I have prayed over and over again, but not until now have I really realized that I am doing that thing.

Doing that thing, that motherhood thing, and really truly loving it.

Motherhood really has been the best surprise and I thank God for that blessing in my life, but really the best blessing of all was how much I love being a mom and caring for someone more than myself to give her the best life.

I hope you all had a lovely day filled with sloppy baby kisses, phone calls to your own mom, or just a celebration of life in general.

FAITH | ready, set, test.

Published on April 22, 2015April 22, 2015 by Joanna3 Comments

This week across the state of Texas teachers and students are at the point in the school year that they have been anxiously awaiting for the past 9 months. It’s STAAR testing week and from previous experience, I can say that testing days are by far some of the most mind numbing, feet dragging, soul draining days as a teacher. I have been seeing former coworkers posting on social media about their testing weeks and I can’t help but say a quick prayer for each and every one of them as I imagine their tired feet being kicked up after their tiresome days.

Testing is honestly, probably the biggest thing I don’t miss about teaching.

The concept that is standardized testing is still I continue to struggle with when I’m asked about my teaching philosophy/future plans as an educator. I won’t delve into too much personal detail but I (and I’m sure many others – educators or not) can see the positives/negatives to both sides of the testing line. One thing I did enjoy about getting to this point in the school year with my students is that it gave us an attainable goal we had to reach. It was a milestone for each student in someway and myself. It was a day on the calendar that we were slowing moving towards during the school year. We had finally made it to ‘that’ point in our planners and afterward there was always a sense of accomplishment – like, I am officially done with this grade level now and can move on. It was preparation in way, for bigger tests/milestones in life and I felt good knowing that I was there, getting to support my students in some way as they were finally able to jump over their personal hurdles in the testing environment.

Then there is the negative…the pressure on both students and teachers was and is something that I personally, and morally have a really hard time with. I know I have read articles about all of the unnecessary stress being placed on students at such a young age right now. Kids coming home and having panic attacks from a state test is obviously not the most optimal educational situation. Kids should be kids. Kids should play, and learn, and enjoy their educations to the fullest. But then how can we hold them accountable? How can we make sure that students are learning at least some of the basic strategies as their developmental peer group? How can we make sure that teachers are challenging them and pushing them to become the best educated members of society that they can be?

It’s so hard isn’t it. To find that balance.

We aren’t close but I know that one day it will be figured out. I have faith in that. For now, I’m going to keep offering up my days for my teacher friends and teachers everywhere as they actively monitor their students take the biggest test they have had to take thus far in their little lives. I’m going to continue to try and set an example for teachers and parents (especially when mine is in school) that while the system is far from perfect, a little grace goes a long way and if we all just stop and realize that we all want the same end result… I think we’ll all do pretty ok on a much more important test that life offers us.

Just my two cents. Happy Wednesday!

FAITH | mom friend dating + self discoveries

Published on March 6, 2015March 6, 2015 by Joanna3 Comments

The idea of friendship and what it takes to make new friends is something that has been on my mind for the past several months. The concept of connecting with people is something that I feel like I am constantly thinking about and interested in, but the actual act of making new friends as an adult person has really been getting to me lately. I finally crossed this book off of my reading list and it gave me some new found encouragement in my pursuit of new friendship.

I knew that this past year would throw me for a loop in this area of life because I wouldn’t have my coworkers to lean on for my daily social interactions (with adult, non-baby people:). And, if I’m being completely honest with myself I didn’t realize just how MUCH I relied on my coworker friendships and my job for my identity in life (that could be an entire blog post alone). But really, before making the decision to stay home, I felt like I had a ton of friends outside of work that I could rely on. I wasn’t too worried about the transition I was about to make and figured I would just start tapping into some of my other social groups more often. But something I didn’t think about was… those people all have jobs of their own, families, other friends, and don’t necessarily have the time or freedom of schedule that I did in my new little SAHM world. So where did that leave me? It meant that I would need to get my butt in gear, pack up my baby and start getting involved in the world around me if I really wanted to get out and meet some people going through the same things I was going through.

And It was really hard. It was hard to pack up an 8 week old baby and get out the door in the mornings. It was hard to find groups of moms that were a) in my interest b) had similarly aged children and c) didn’t cost me an arm and a leg to join. But I learned something about myself and that’s always beneficial. I have always thought of myself an an extroverted person. I love being around people and soaking in everyones energy in social situations. But as I was going out to meet new people I was coming home exhausted. Now I realize this was also during a time where I was getting *maybe* 4 straight hours of sleep at night, so there were other reasons for my exhaustion. But I really felt so emotionally and socially expended at the end of the day. It was tough, and that’s when I realized that maybe I was not as extroverted as I originally thought I was.

In college I had to take a multitude of psychology classes for my major and inevitably during the course of the semester, no matter the class, we usually had to take a Myers-Briggs personality test. Without fail I always came back with the same personality type: ENFJ. We even had to take the same personality test for our marriage preparation and again: ENFJ. Extroverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. Essentially, I was typed as a person who likes to get out there. I like to interact with others and work with people and I do! For the most part. I love teaching and working with others…but it wasn’t until I was in this situation of making new friends that I realized…I only feel comfortable putting myself out there and getting to know other people when I am completely comfortable in my environment.

I joined a mommy bootcamp of sorts and always felt myself feeling shy. I was find working out with these other ladies but never felt myself being completely open and out there as I had in other situations. I also joined my church’s mom’s group and felt instantly warm and welcoming to the people around me. I tested the waters with a few other new social settings and found the same to be true: I was more extroverted in extremely comfortable settings, and more introverted in extremely new settings. Which would make sense because looking back on all of those personality tests I always towed the line between extrovert and introvert. But it wasn’t until I was put through the test of new-friend-making that I really figured this out about myself.

So anyway, moving on from my deep self discoveries. Back to the actual friend making. No matter the situation I felt myself seeing other mom’s that I would potentially want to be closer friends with and feeling like I was on the hunt. Almost like I was dating to find other mom friends that I and my child would be compatible with. I felt pretty crazy at first but the more moms I met the more I realized that they felt the same way too. I even had a few conversations like this with other moms about how you are taken completely out of your comfort zone and how it is a strange mix of dating and making friends like you would in elementary school. It has been a really interesting journey thus far and I have met some really wonderful people that I am so thankful I have had the opportunity to meet. I know that this is only the beginning of many seasons in life where I (and we as a family) will experience crazy amounts of transition, meet new people, and have to push myself in ways I never really thought I would have to, so I’m going to continue on with my new found knowledge and continue to put myself out there as best I know how.

Happy weekend!

FAMILY | lately

Published on February 23, 2015February 27, 2015 by JoannaLeave a comment

Lately… there has been a lot of transition and not a whole lot of predictability in our days. We made our big move to the house last week and are currently swimming in boxes. We chip away at the constant need to unpack and yet I feel like things continue to be a mess. I keep trying to remind myself that in all of this chaos is our new home. The home we have been wanting for so long and the home that we already love and adore despite our messes at the moment.

Lately… I have been thinking a lot about my Lenten goals and hopes for this season. Last year I was more pregnant than I ever thought I could be and so my sacrifices for those 40 days revolved around sciatic pain, childbirth and new born sleep deprivation. I was able to fit in a couple of holy hours before M made her arrival but for the most part I was far too involved in the life of my new baby to really focus on much besides the daily offerings of a new parent. This year I am attending a lenten bible study with my mom’s group at church as well as diving into some deeper prayer. I’m really looking forward to what this season will bring and I’m ready to be more aware of my relationship with God.

Lately…I feel like I am getting back into touch with some things I have let go for the past few months due to house hunting, house buying, and house moving into. We are making travel plans for the summer, talking about some long term goals, and I’m starting to focus on these weddings we have coming up in the next few months!

Lately… I have been thinking a lot about our NOLA family and friends who just finished up the Mardi Gras season. It has been way too long since we have been down there for some parades. I feel like next year we are going to need to make that a priority because I need some tailgating + bead catching + king cake eating in my life. Here’s a blast from the past for you, a picture from my first Mardi Gras – we had only been dating a month! What babies! (:

Lately… I have been thinking about this blog and my purpose for it. It’s a question that is constantly buzzing around in my brain and I’m always looking for inspiration and direction for it. Hopefully now that our big move is over I can start carving out some regular writing time again and get back into the swing of this little hobby.

Happy Monday everyone (:

Psalm 139:14

Published on January 15, 2014January 16, 2014 by Joanna3 Comments

“I praise you for I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works!”

These were the words that I read during my planning period this morning and really, they could not have been better timed. I signed up for these fabulous emails by way of a post on Camp Patton (seriously, one of my favorite blogs – her kiddos are hilarious and they definitely get it from their mama). These little snippets in my inbox every morning have really been helping me make it through the day – especially this week which has been filled to the brim with conferences, trying to get ahead on lesson plans/work, and just not feeling so great in the pregnancy department (hello third trimester morning sickness – we meet at last!).

I know that I have said this before but I don’t think I can really say it enough – teaching is hard. It is by far one of the most satisfying things I have found in this life and I love the feeling I get when I see a child come alive in their learning abilities. However, this year. Oh, this year. This year has been my hardest year by far. I won’t delve into the gory details but I have read the statistics of how long a new teacher lasts in this profession and they aren’t pretty. Some say that 40-50% of new teachers will quite their jobs within the first five years of teaching, because they become so burned out and disheartened by their efforts in the classroom.

I am still maintaining my positive outlook aspirations for this semester, or at least trying to. I still love my school and my coworkers and my kiddos. But sometimes, when the going gets rougher than rough (like this week). I think to myself – what else would I do? What else CAN I do? These are the times when I doubt my abilities the most. Am I creative enough? Am I smart enough? Am I driven enough? What have I done wrong? My mind tells me: I must be the most broken and incompetent teacher out there. Give up.

Then come these words. The words at the top. God made me wonderfully. He made me in His image. I know this and I hear this often but really, HOW often do I let these words speak to my soul? He has given me this desire to teach for a reason. He has blessed me with the tools and opportunities that I need at this time in my life to grow and learn. He won’t give me more than I can handle – but I sure can overload myself and put more unnecessary worries into my life and job than needed. These challenges I am facing at work are teaching me and making me grow. The process isn’t necessarily fun but the outcomes will be great. I need to keep reminding myself of this Psalm on weeks and days where I start to feel so burned out. Because no matter all of the thoughts and doubts and hesitations that run through my mind – He is right there comforting me, consistently telling me that it’s ok. Really, He is telling me it’s more than ok.

It’s wonderful.

Happy Wednesday (: